


Dirk's Week at Freddy's

by Dark Automaton (0Dark_Automaton0)



Category: Five Nights at Freddy's, Homestuck
Genre: A Man and His Robots, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Friendship, Multi, Pinocchio Transformation, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, its homestuck what do you expect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-21 23:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8264852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Dark_Automaton0/pseuds/Dark%20Automaton
Summary: Dirk decides to get a day job for some spare cash. What he finds after he clocks in is not exactly what he had in mind when they asked for "basic experience with electronics."





	1. Chapter 1

It had been years, maybe even centuries, since they'd finished the game. The former players had honestly no idea how long it had been since they had won, as the time after they had grown to adulthood was essentially an abyss of contentment and internal study. These studies allowed for many of their old friends to be brought back to life, with the help of some rule-bending and the sheer flexibility of the God Tier's powers. Although a few had been left out, a large portion of the players had been revived, ready to explore their new home.

The new world that they had made had its own Earth, besides the one they had brought from the Pre-Scratch human session. They had happily deemed it “New Earth,” although the actual human people that lived there had no idea that theirs was not the first or only Earth. What surprised the human players was how it had followed the same path as the Pre-Scratch Earth. Upon further inspection, the planet had no Frog Temples or any traces of Betty Crocker's influence outside of the regular brand of cutthroat commercialism.

Many of the trolls, inspired by this news, had gone out to find and see if a new Alternia or Beforus was created. Only a few stayed behind, deciding that what they had on the two Earth's was enough for them, mainly including the trolls from the Post-Scratch session. Although they were hopeful that some semblance of their homeworld was alive and well, it would never be quite the planet they knew and begrudgingly loved. At least on Earth, they had their human friends to fall back on.

Some of the humans decided to try and get to know their kind a bit more. On their original homes, they were rather reclusive, only making close connections to their Internet friends as opposed to any neighbors or classmates. When it wasn't meager shyness, it was outright necessity. It was pretty hard to make friends when you either lived on a planet out to kill you, or were literally one of the last humans in existence.

Dirk was among the ones who jumped straight into the workforce, hoping to get a little extra money on the side along with his newly restored smuppet empire. Not that he made this public knowledge; God help him if poor old Dave found out about his business ventures. He found the add in the darkest corners of the local help wanted section.

“HELP WANTED. Minimal education level required. Basic experience with electronics needed, small enough to climb through ventilation, able to work late hours.”

Looks shady. Why the fuck not? He shrugged, writing down the phone number. It wasn't as if he couldn't handle what they had in store for him. He's already taken down at least two drug-dealers after his kidneys, he can handle some petty mechanic's gig.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The clunky elevator made its way down to the working station, Dirk taking note of all the seemingly useless buttons and doohickeys littered about the little room. A very basic-sounding AI spoke from the loudspeaker,

“Welcome to the first day of your exciting new career! Whether you were approached at a job fair, read our ad in "Screws, Bolts, and Hairpins", or if this is the result of a dare, we welcome you. I will be your personal guide to help you get started. I'm a model 5 of the Handyman's Robotics and Unit Repair System. But, you can call me "Handy-Unit". Your new career promises challenge, intrigue, and endless janitorial opportunities. Please enter your name as seen above the keypad. This cannot be changed later, so, please be careful. ”

Dirk attempted to make sense of the wobbling letters of the small screen. The damn thing couldn't even have the decency to show what the hell he just typed! It beeped in a decidedly unsatisfactory manner, and Handy 'helpfully' added,

“It seems that you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying to type, and I will autocorrect it for you. One moment. Welcome, Eggs Benedict!”

Goddamn it, the last thing he needed was a really sucky nickname now. Then again, it would make for a pretty amusing alias for his smuppet site. People had been asking for names, and this would make a pretty ironic one. No it wouldn't, he just thought it was actually kinda funny.

Dirk noted how oddly well-constructed the AI was, for such a dark and dingy place as this. He sounded more like something out of a commercial for a hoverboat or something high tech, not the little helper in some deranged inventor's sex dungeon. The elevator jolted to a stop before a caution-taped up door, with the AI indicating the vent beneath as his entrance. No wonder they asked for someone able to fit through the vents, most mechanics wouldn't be able to squeeze their fat asses through.

As the human crawled through the vent that was somehow tighter than Jane's butt, according to the testimony of Roxy, the AI drabbled on, “Allow me to fill this somewhat frightening silence with some lighthearted banter. Due to the massive success, and, even more so, the unfortunate closing of Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, it was clear that the stage was set (no pun intended) for another contender in children's entertainment. Unlike most entertainment venues, our robotic entertainers are rented out for private parties during the day, and it's your job to get the robots back in proper working order before the following morning. ”

So, he was cleaning up those freaky robots at places like Chuck E Cheeses or something. Neat.

He found himself crawling out of the vent, and into a weird room filled with doodads and whatchamacallits, with a bunch of animatronic masks hanging from the wall. There was also a camera on the wall, as well as two large windows and a couple of buttons on a keypad.

“You are now in the Primary Control Module; it's actually a crawlspace between the two front showrooms. Now, let's get started with your daily tasks. View the window to your left. This is the Ballora Gallery: Party Room and Dance Studio, encouraging kids to get fit and enjoy pizza! Let's turn on the light and see if Ballora is onstage. Press the blue button on the elevated keypad to your left.”

Dirk pressed the button, and the lights in that room lit up. Oddly enough, there was nothing on the stage. The AI remarked,

“Uh oh! It looks like Ballora doesn't feel like dancing. Let's give her some motivation. Press the red button now to administer a controlled shock. Maybe that will put the spring back in her step.”

Taze the massive animatronic, what a splendid idea! Hold up, if the animatronic was able to leave her post in the first place, and need to be conditioned to follow orders like an animal, didn't that mean she had some degree of free will? He voiced this concern, “Isn't the fact that she's able to have want for not being on stage mean she's an intelligent being?”

The AI did not respond. Dirk sighed, saying aloud, “Sorry, miss.” He reluctantly pressed the button. He barely kept himself from flinching as he heard a very loud electric shock from the room, seeing a bright light from the source. As the human grimaced ever so slightly, the AI cheerfully bid him,

“Let's check the light again.”

Dirk pressed the button, and thankfully, the robot looked fine. She was a tall one, well over six feet and well built. She was made to look like a grown woman with pale skin, black hair, and a ballerina's outfit. Although, Dirk noted, it was a rather tasteless outfit. What kind of kid's birthday party service had a ballerina with what was more a piece of cloth over her boobs than an actual shirt? At least give her a sports bra or something kid friendly, yeesh. The AI seemed happy with the sight,

“Excellent. Ballora's feeling like her old self again and will be ready to perform again tomorrow. Now, view the window to your right. This is the funtime auditorium where Funtime Foxy encourages kids to play and share. Try the light! Let's see what Funtime Foxy is up to.”

Again, not robots on stage. Dirk sighed; he really didn't want to have to remotely taze another robot. It was already obvious that this bunch had some degree of free will, and getting zapped just for not being on a stage at all times was no way to live. At least Squarewave had the option to leave or say no to a rap battle if he wanted.

“Looks like Funtime Foxy is taking the day off. Let's motivate Funtime Foxy with a controlled shock”

Again, nothing on stage. Dirk had to give the bot some props; standing up to the man even after getting tazed. Sadly, the AI was determined,

“Let's try another controlled shock.”

The second time over, and it worked. True to Dirk's suspicions, it was a goddamn furry-bot. A bright pink humanoid fox, complete with a big fluffy tail and a bowtie. He could see the more child-friendly features, he guessed. At least they weren't sexualized, although he wondered if they were considered a boy or a girl. Nonbinary, perhaps? That's cool.

“Looks like Funtime Foxy is in perfect working order. Great job! In front of you is another vent shaft. Crawl through it to reach the Circus Gallery Control Module.”

As Dirk went through the vent, he heard a feminine voice announce the detection of movement in the shaft. How peculiar. That implied that it was secured, in some manner. He went into the little control room with yet another large window with a keypad. There were a couple dolls stuck around the window, but otherwise it looked fairly tame.

The AI asked him to check on the animatronic, Circus Baby, as he had done for the other two. Yet, when he went through the instructions, all he found was no sign of the animatronic. The AI blew it off, but Dirk had a bad feeling about this. He believed that CB must have disconnected the electrifying mechanism, and maybe even hijacked the light. This was not the work of some clunky glorified children's toy, this was some kind of fully intelligent robot. And as Dirk knew as well as his own back hand, fully intelligent robots are the most dangerous type of robot.

He clocked out of his shift without any sign of his thoughts. The lady dozing at the desk just gave him a confused look, muttering something along the lines of “Won't last the week.” Dirk didn't really care though. The AI had mentioned the Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, and Dirk had a feeling that something had happened there. He had some research to do.

 


End file.
